WELCOME TO THE LISBON REPORTER. In an effort to keep our community informed of what is going on at local and Federal levels of government, we decided to create this on-line newspaper. It is our hope that this on-line newspaper will help you stay informed so that you can get involved and take action for the benefit of our ENTIRE community. Thank you for visiting and please check back frequently for information about what is happening in LISBON/LISBON FALLS, MAINE USA
Sunday, July 25, 2010
The Economy is so bad that...
The economy is so bad that?
1. I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
2. African television stations are now showing 'Sponsor an American
Child' commercials!
3. Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford
batteries.
4. I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked,
"Can you afford fries with that?"
5. CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
6. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
7. My ATM gave me an IOU!
8. A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of
pennies while she danced.
9. I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.
10. I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank.
11. Barack Obama changed his slogan to "Maybe We Can!"
12. If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call
them and ask if they meant you or them.
13. Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
14. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
15. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .
16. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their
childrens names.
17. My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they
re-possessed her!
18. A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .
19. Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
20. A picture is now only worth 200 words.
21. They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street ."
22. When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
23. The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali
pirates.
24. Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh
Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by
the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
And, finally...
25. I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs,
my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the
Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them
I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.