I visited a physician last week. It was a “new” doctor in the
practice--a young lady (at MY age, EVERYBODY is “young”--when I was born,
the Dead Sea wasn‘t even sick) who was quite enthusiastic. She was
obviously a liberal by her dress and manner. I was thinking of hitting on
her, but I don’t like the phrase, “You remind me of my grandfather.”
She asked me what was wrong, and I replied, “I have a cut on my
leg; and I think it may be getting infected.”
She said, “Before we start, I have to ask you a few questions. Are
you allergic to any medications?”
She
said, “Do you have any guns in the house?”
She
replied, “Guns. Do you have any guns in the house?”
She
said, “I’ve got to ask this question. It is required under the Affordable
Care Act.”
I
asked, “What are you going to do with the data?”
She said, “We compile it, amalgamate it, and submit it to the
government.”
I
said, “Well, I have a Tommy Gun. I let my kid Tommy play with
it.”
She
said, “What’s a Tommy Gun? I don‘t think that is the kind of gun they are
concerned with.”
With
THAT, I knew I had a live one. I said, “It’s similar to a B.A.R., but a
little heavier and shorter. I have a B.A.R. also.”
She
looked puzzled. Then she brightened up and asked, “Do you have any assault
rifles?”
I
attempted to look puzzled, and said, “I don’t know. What is an assault
rifle?”
She
said, “That’s a gun that is used in wars.”
I
said, “As a matter of fact, I do. I have a replica of a Revolutionary War
musket.”
She
began to look a bit exasperated. I pretended not to notice and kept up the
appearance of trying to be helpful.
She
said, “Do you have anything more modern than that?”
I
replied, “Well, yes I do. I have a replica muzzle loader from the Civil
War. Do you know the difference between a musket and a muzzle
loader?”
She
rather peevishly said, “No, I don’t; and I don’t want to. What else do you
have?”
She asked, “What’s that?”
I replied, “It is called a Garand.”
She rather loudly said, “I don’t care if it is a grand rifle or
not. Is it an assault rifle?”
To which I replied, “I don’t know. I don’t know what an assault
rifle is. You say it’s a rifle used in war, yet you say that my musket and
muzzle loader are not assault rifles.”
She
calmed down (a bit) and asked, “Anything else?”
I
said, “I have an MG-.30, and an MG-.50. I‘m also part owner of an Apache.
But they are not rifles.”
She
stated, “Well, then, I’m not interested in them. Anything
else.”
I
replied, “Well, yes. I also have a 12-gauge and a 20-gauge pump. They are
not rifled though.”
She
said, “I’m not interested in pumps; I’m interested in
guns.”
I
replied, “Well, then, I have a Colt, a Luger, a Glock, a bazooka, a
Parabellum, a Kalishnikov, a Henry, a Uzi, a Llama, and a Beretta--but
they are not rifles.”
She
then said, “I’ve had enough of this. I think you’re toying with me. Let me
see your leg.”
I
then said, “Excuse me, but before you look at my leg, I have a few
questions to ask of you.”
She
replied, “Of course. What are they?”
I
said, “I have given you a lot of information about my guns. I am somewhat
concerned about your knowledge and ability to assimilate, make coherent
sense of that information, and report it correctly. Do you know the
difference between a .22 caliber and a .223 caliber? It’s a rather
fundamental difference.”
She
replied, “Actually, I don’t.”
I
said, “I see. Let me ask some more relevant questions. “How much money do
you make?”
She
said, “That’s personal, why do you ask?”
I
said, “Well, in pushing the Health Care Act, my president cautioned the
population about doctors that would amputate a leg rather than treat a cut
because they make more money that way. Consequently, I wish to know if you
are financially troubled. What kind of car do you drive? What are your
house payments? How much is your mortgage? How much credit card debt do
you have? Do you have a student loan; if so, how much?”
She
said, “I’m not going to answer those questions. You have no right to ask
them.”
I
then asked, “Do you have training and education in homeopathic techniques?
Do you know the benefits/effects of CoQ10, ginseng, fish oil, Creatine,
BCAA, and other such herbal treatments?” Do you know the difference
between Panax ginseng, American ginseng, and Siberian
ginseng?”
I
then asked, ”Well, have you studied it at all?”
She
replied rather defensively, “NO; it’s all a bunch of hogwash
anyway.”
I
said, “Oh, then you have read the research on it. What have you
read?”
She
then said, “I don’t waste my time reading such things. Why are you asking
me these questions?”
I
said, “Well, if I’m going to turn my body over to you for treatment, I
believe it is reasonable for me to know something about your motivation,
training, experience, and competence. Do you know anything about the
practice of holistic medicine?”
She
said, rather angrily “No, I don’t.”
I said, “Oh. O.K. How much experience do you have in practicing
medicine?”
She
replied, “Well, not very much.”
To
which I said, “Well, we all have to start somewhere. What medical school
did you go to; what is its rank in terms of other medical schools; where
did you intern; and where did you do your residency? What is the rank of
the hospital where you did your internship and
residency?”
She
rather peevishly said, “All my credentials are posted in the waiting
room.”
To
which I said, “Really? The rank of your medical school is posted in the
waiting room? Do you have any experience with leg injuries? If so, how
much?”
I
guess that was too much for her. She rather crossly said, “I think it
would be best if you saw a different doctor.” and started to leave the
room.
I
said, “You know, doctor. You asked me irrelevant questions about my guns,
and I answered them. Whether or not I own guns is really none of your
business and has absolutely nothing to do with any treatment you might
prescribe. On the other hand, I ask you questions quite relevant to my
situation, and you refuse to answer them. Isn’t that somewhat
backwards?”
She
said, “But I HAVE to ask those questions. It’s the law.”
To
which I replied, “Actually, it is NOT the law. Here is what the law
says--taken directly from the Affordable Care Act:”
‘‘(1) WELLNESS AND PREVENTION
PROGRAMS.—A wellness and health promotion activity implemented under
subsection (a)(1)(D) may not require the disclosure or collection of
any information relating to—
‘‘(A) the presence or storage of a
lawfully-possessed firearm or ammunition in the residence or on the
property of an individual; or
‘‘(B) the lawful use, possession, or
storage of a firearm or ammunition by an individual.
‘‘(2) LIMITATION
ON DATA COLLECTION.—None of the authorities provided to the Secretary
under the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act or an amendment made
by that Act shall be construed to authorize or may be used for the
collection of any information relating to—
‘‘(A) the lawful
ownership or possession of a firearm or ammunition;
‘‘(B) the lawful
use of a firearm or ammunition; or
‘‘(C) the lawful storage of a
firearm or ammunition.
![[Most Recent Quotes from www.kitco.com]](http://www.kitconet.com/images/sp_en_8.gif)
