Word Of The Day: Paraprosdokian

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of
 a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes
 the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first  part. It
 is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes
 producing an anticlimax. Ø   I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So
 I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Ø    Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level
 and beat you with experience. Ø    I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not
 screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Ø    Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
 standing in a garage makes you a car. Ø    The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. Ø    Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
 bright until you hear them speak.
Ø    If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Ø    We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. Ø    War does not determine who is right - only who is left. Ø    Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting
 it in a fruit salad.
Ø    The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Ø    Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then
 proceed to tell you why it isn't.Ø    To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many
 is research.
Ø    A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a
 train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. Ø    How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
 takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Ø    Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything,
 but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. Ø    Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they
 can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them
 fish. Ø   I  thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.Ø    Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an
 emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". Ø    I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. Ø    I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I
 said "Implants?" Ø    Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
 successful man is usually another woman.
Ø    A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Ø    You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute
  to skydive twice. Ø    The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! Ø    Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. Ø    A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a
 way that you will look forward to the trip. Ø    Hospitality:  making your guests feel like they're at home,  even
 if you wish they were. Ø    Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to  live with. Ø    Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they  go.Ø    There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so
 they can't get away. Ø    I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. Ø    When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
 Department usually uses water. 
Ø    You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Ø    To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever
 you hit the target. Ø    If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some
 people have more than one child?
Ø    Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine