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Thursday, February 10, 2011

Word Of The Day: Paraprosdokian

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of
 a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes
 the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first  part. It
 is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes
 producing an anticlimax.
 Ø   I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So
 I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Ø    Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level
 and beat you with experience. 
Ø    I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not
 screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Ø    Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
 standing in a garage makes you a car. 
Ø    The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. Ø    Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
 bright until you hear them speak.
Ø    If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Ø    We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. 
Ø    War does not determine who is right - only who is left. Ø    Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting
 it in a fruit salad.
Ø    The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Ø    Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then
 proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Ø    To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many
 is research.

Ø    A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a
 train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. 
Ø    How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
 takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Ø    Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything,
 but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. 
Ø    Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they
 can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them
Ø   I  thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
Ø    Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an
 emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". 
Ø    I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 
Ø    I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on I
 said "Implants?" 
Ø    Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
 successful man is usually another woman.
Ø    A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Ø    You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute
  to skydive twice. 
Ø    The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! Ø    Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. Ø    A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a
 way that you will look forward to the trip. 
Ø    Hospitality:  making your guests feel like they're at home,  even
 if you wish they were. 
Ø    Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to  live with. Ø    Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they  go.Ø    There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so
 they can't get away. 
Ø    I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. 
Ø    When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
 Department usually uses water.
Ø    You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Ø    To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first
and call whatever
 you hit the target. 
Ø    If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some
 people have more than one child?
Ø    Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine