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The Real Laws
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated
with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to
pee.
2. Law of Gravity- Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3.Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act ...also, the more stupid the act, the larger the crowd watching!
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
6. Variation Law- If you change lines (supermarket or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time)...this always true at drive in bank lanes and especially driver's license lines.
7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings ...someone knocks at the door or the dogs start barking like the "world is coming to an end".
8.Law of Close Encounters- The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone with whom you don't want to be seen...or when you just run into a store to grab something with your greasy hands and ugly(but well fitting) clothes, wearing your house shoes and your hair is uncombed!
2. Law of Gravity- Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3.Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act ...also, the more stupid the act, the larger the crowd watching!
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
6. Variation Law- If you change lines (supermarket or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time)...this always true at drive in bank lanes and especially driver's license lines.
7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings ...someone knocks at the door or the dogs start barking like the "world is coming to an end".
8.Law of Close Encounters- The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone with whom you don't want to be seen...or when you just run into a store to grab something with your greasy hands and ugly(but well fitting) clothes, wearing your house shoes and your hair is uncombed!
9.Law of the Result-
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will ...conversely try to show
someone something that works and it WON"T.
10.Law of Biomechanics -
The
severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11..Law of the Theater & Sporting Events - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12.The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold...or you will go get a magazine or the paper to read and get distracted and by the time you remember the cup of coffee it is ice cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers...and the person with a locker next to you will be "weird", want to talk up a storm.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces- The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug...for me, it is 100% that the sandwich will land face down, regardless of how new or old the surface is...the good thing is that we have dogs that will not only lick up the jelly from the carpet, but eat the entire sandwich; thereby preventing any chance of us even getting jelly on our hands when trying to pick up the dropped sandwich.
11..Law of the Theater & Sporting Events - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12.The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold...or you will go get a magazine or the paper to read and get distracted and by the time you remember the cup of coffee it is ice cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers...and the person with a locker next to you will be "weird", want to talk up a storm.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces- The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug...for me, it is 100% that the sandwich will land face down, regardless of how new or old the surface is...the good thing is that we have dogs that will not only lick up the jelly from the carpet, but eat the entire sandwich; thereby preventing any chance of us even getting jelly on our hands when trying to pick up the dropped sandwich.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about ...this I run into more and more these days.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance- If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking- A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy- As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, or change it ...absolutely true! Also applies when it comes to monthly billing or checking account statements received in the mail. Just about the time I figure out how to read them, find the information I am looking for, figure out which part to keep and file and which part to tear off and mail back, I'll get a new, completely different statement! It will come with a cover sheet(more wasted paper use) with the announcement that it is NEW and IMPROVED and making it "easier" for me to use!
19.Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, and by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
Submitted by: 'LL'
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